People always ask me what it’s like working from home with my boyfriend. Honestly? It’s great. We’re so lucky that we barely ever argue, and we never get under each others feet. We have plenty of room in the house to have our own space, and sometimes I wonder off to a coffee shop if I feel I need a change of scenery.
Every couple has little things that grate on them; things like leaving the toilet seat up or consistently missing the washing bin? Guilty! I don’t know how S puts up with me.. That said, there are a few things I’ve learnt after working and living with my other half – I’m pretty sure this means I’m growing up 😫
Pick Your Battles
It’s important that you pick your battles. This means choosing the issue that is causing you the most distress and calming address that first. Don’t bring up that time 10 years ago, when they said your bum looked big in that dress if you are trying to let you watch your choice on TV. Keep it relevant and distinct from any other issues or hurts you may be harbouring.
If it is about his appearance, broach it gently by checking out some fashion websites or grooming tips on BeardBro. Remember no one wants to be made to feel awful about themselves. So so barraging them with everything that they have ever done wrong isn’t going to get you the result that you want.
Those In Glass Houses
The next thing to consider when dealing with this issue is to ask are you blameless yourself? As they say, ‘people that live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.’ For one, it can make it really easy to escalate it into a ‘tit for tat’ fight that is not constructive at all. Even if this doesn’t happen, you are going to look pretty hypocritical if you are asking them to be better with money, but you aren’t either. Especially if have five bags of new clothes that you can’t afford, tucked into your wardrobe upstairs!
Pick Your Time
Did you know that men also have a hormonal cycle? But theirs isn’t monthly, it’s actually daily. Their testosterone is highest in the morning making them full of energy and ready to get on with the day. Its falls through the days, so it’s at a medium level by lunch time and at its lowest in the evening. It’s probably not the best idea to ask him to change his ways when his testosterone is high as you are much more likely to get into an argument then.
Try after 4 pm when he may well be a bit more receptive. Remember though that exercise can amp that testosterone back up so give the discussion a miss if he’s fresh back from the gym.
How To Say It
How you ask you, partner, to change a behaviour can have a massive effect on their reaction and their willingness to meet you halfway. Unfortunately, us women are often accused of nagging if we ask the guys to do anything more than once. But making a special effort to ask them as an equal, and giving them the space to complete the task can help in this sort of situation.