If you’re going through a breakup or you’ve recently decided to get divorced, you may be experiencing a mixture of emotions. It’s understandable to feel anxious and scared, but help is at hand.
Take these tips to help eliminate stress and remind you, it isn’t the end of the world – I just wish I listened to people when they told me this in the past – everything is going to be okay!
Clarify the situation in your mind
In the run-up to a break up, there can be a lot of confusion and crossed wires. Are you breaking up for good? Is it a hiatus? Is it possible to save the marriage? Do you still love each other? Go through all these questions and reach a point where you have a clear perception of what has happened and what will happen in the future.
If you’ve decided that you are getting divorced or break up, it’s time to start coming to terms with your decision. It’s healthy to reflect on what went wrong, but don’t dwell on things that make you feel anxious or upset at this time. Once you feel a little stronger, you can start to focus on why things went wrong and why your relationship didn’t work.
If you have a support network in place, use it. Be as open and honest with the people close to you as you can. If they ask you if you’re coping, or you’re feeling down, don’t lie to them. It’s perfectly understandable to be feeling lost, lonely and confused. Open up to them and share your worries and fears. Don’t be afraid to rant and rave if it makes you feel better. It’s good to release some emotion from time to time.
If you don’t have close friends or family you can talk to, or you’d rather chat to somebody you don’t know, see your GP. If you’re struggling to manage your emotions or you feel sad or anxious all the time, they will be able to help. Doctors often recommend cognitive behavioural therapy for people going through tough times.
At this stage, when you feel vulnerable, it’s essential to focus your energies on rebuilding and moving forward. Let people in who increase your confidence and offer support, reassurance and love. If you have family members or friends who make you questions your decisions or make you feel guilty or stupid, steer clear of them.
Seek professional advice
Divorce is not just an emotional upheaval. It also has implications for your finances, especially if you have joint assets. Seek professional help from solicitors with experience in family law, such as Bannister Preston. Try to maintain contact with your ex-partner. Communicate regularly and try to be amicable. The best possible outcome is a fair split.
However, it is not always easy to achieve this goal. If the relationship has soured completely, let your legal team speak for you. They will work to reach a settlement, which suits both parties. If you’re not happy with a proposal from the other side, you don’t have to take it. Negotiation is key. Make sure you choose your counsel wisely and don’t feel pressured to give in.
If you have assets, such as property or a business, make sure you do some research. It’s important that you are aware of the facts and figures to ensure that you get a fair settlement. Keep in touch with your legal team throughout the process and don’t be afraid to ask questions.
Give yourself time
Many people rush around trying to get back to normal as quickly as possible following a divorce. If you feel better when you’re busy, that’s fine. But don’t think that you need to bounce back and feel fine immediately. It’s normal to feel blue and for this feeling to last a long time. If you need it, take time out. Reflect on what’s happened and rationalise and digest the situation. Talk to friends and family or arrange to go to counselling. Sometimes, it can be reassuring to chat to people in a similar situation. If you don’t have friends who are divorced, online forums are a good place to meet others in the same boat.
Think about moving forward
When you feel more confident and you have come through the other side, start thinking about your future. Set yourself goals and try and be positive. Don’t dwell on split and think of it as a failure. Think about it as a chance for change and the start of a new chapter. Just because one relationship hasn’t worked out, it doesn’t mean that you’ll never be happy again. Don’t rush into dating but equally, don’t feel guilty if you do meet someone you like.
There will always be hard days to overcome, but maintaining a positive mindset will help you to move forward. Take the positives out of your previous relationship and find effective ways of dealing with the negative aspects.
Use your time constructively. In the past, as part of a duo, you may have let hobbies, interests or friendships slide. Now is the time to renew your passions and devote some quality time to friends and family. Have fun, learn more and try new things. Invest some time in new friendships and consider doing things you couldn’t do previously. Arrange weekends away, go travelling for a few weeks or treat your self an an online shopping spree (treat yourself to a haul from a wholesale clothing supplier, thank me later on the savings you’ll make!). Join a local sports team or sign up for a night class. Keep special friends and family members close. On days when you feel down or lost, they will always be there at the other end of the phone.
Break ups can be harrowing. There are bound to be days when it feels like the world is falling apart. If you are struggling, don’t suffer in silence. Take advantage of the support and love your friends and family offer. Seek professional advice and guidance to help you cope with practical issues and get your finances in order. Focus on yourself and try to be as positive as possible.